I'd rather die at just the thought...

I don't know how much more of this my heart can take. God, please give him to me or just take away my desire for him because I seriously can't deal with it anymore. It's gone on for so long now that I fear I will never be able to love anyone else, but I hold severe doubts that it is in Your will for us to become one. I keep praying that You would take away my longing for him, but I don't know if it truly is in earnest. I don't know if I want to relinquish my heart. I love him. I wish You would reveal Your plan to me. Where are You? Are my cries heard or are they in vain? I feel like I am walking alone through a desert on this one.